upwards and clanged back, snapping off at the hinge and tumbling to the ground. A flight of stairs came out of the hole and lowered itself to the pond below. The ducks swam up to it and waggled their tails.

Zorble One, the captain of the ship, stepped into the sunlight. He blinked, momentarily dazzled, then he raised his rubbery green hand in a salute of peace.

"We have come in peace," he said, "To greet you peacefully, and maybe to colonize the planet except we didn't bring any females with us this time, and we wouldn't mind doing a bit of shopping, and some sight-seeing, if that's alright by you?" He took another step forward, tripped, and bounced head over heels all the way to the pond where he landed upside down in the water.

"Amazing!" said a journalist, "Their spaceship looks exactly like a 2-stroke motor-mower!"

There was indeed an uncanny resemblance to the aforementioned machine, but it was purely coincidence.

Zorble One pulled himself out of the water, spluttering and coughing. This was not a very good start for first contact with aliens. Perhaps he could improve on it?

"Now that we are here," he said, trying to regain his dignity, "We offer to you our advanced science, our highly sophisticated technology, and our philosophical insights!"

"Can you get more pop into breakfast cereals?" asked a man in the crowd.

"Do you have McDonnell's on your planet?" asked a boy.

"Which do you prefer, diet Coke or Pepsi?" asked a woman.

"Please refer such questions to Zorble Two, my Science officer," said Zorble One. He shook his head like a spinning garden sprinkler and sprayed the last of the water out of his bright green hair. Then he walked towards one of the photographers and held out one of his four hands.

"Are you the leader?" he asked.

The photographer took three photographs, flash, flash, flash, and said "Heck no!" which left Zorble One totally blinded for a few seconds, then a band started up, playing twice as fast as it should have because all the musicians were terribly excited, and Zorble One fell backwards into the pond again.

Zorble Two appeared in the doorway of the ship and