about him and read also with him.

They read about glass, dollars, road-slips and Passes, a water crisis, libraries, electrocution, booby-traps, teachers being warned, PPTA's and GPs in hospitals, changes in holiday laws, smelter upgrades and 6.55% investments in a finance company; Girl's Brigades, Elfin flour, Meadowlea, Fab 2, coffee, Pepsi, choc digestives, Inghams chicken. Hemming rolled oats, cup-a-soup, ultra nappies, kleenex, shampoo. White Magic in a bottle; rain but not where its needed, control of arthritis in 15 years, fresh pork, discounts on blinds, cell telephones, a student who spent 90 minutes clinging to the side of a goods train, Lotto; saveloys, poly cotton, metres, global underground network, famous rabbi dead, and the Queen's birthday.

On and on they read, until they were all much disturbed, then the leader of the monks held up his hand for attention and spoke.

"What think you all?" said he, "Is this man guilty of a crime, or is he worthy of inclusion in our list of holy saints? Has the Great God delivered to this humble peasant a great word, or is he a heretic??"

Having said thus, the monks began to argue. Some said one thing, some said another, until their voices rose to a shout, and there was much pushing. Ten monks took one side of Duncan, while the other ten, not including the Friar, took the other side. Duncan was pulled across the room one way and back, by his arms and tunic, which caused him no end of worry, because he was sure neither his arms nor his tunic were strong enough to endure without ripping from his body.

"He is a devil!" cried ten monks.

"He is a saint!" cried the other ten.

"We will settle this outside!" cried the monk who had taken the lead not three minutes before, and the room fell quiet, but for the hard-breathing of the monks who were all nearly as fat and round as the Friar.

"Brothers!" said the monk, "We ought not to be behaving this way. This is not a matter to be resolved by violence. We must seek the Lord's will, and let a peaceful answer be found!"

The nineteen other monks murmured their assent, some of them looking ashamed.

"We will take this man outside and stand him in an open place. There he shall stand, with the parchment in his hand, and we shall pray that God will strike him down with fire from heaven if he is verily guilty!"