Wording of this Handout:
Do you have an answering phone?
Does it have a message like this on it . . . "You have reached the Smith household. I'm sorry but we're out at the moment. Please leave a message. . ."
Is that boring or what?! For those of you who want to jazz things up a bit, here are some suggested messages for answering phones with attitude!
The MAD SCIENTIST
Clomp clomp clomp sound of feet coming closer
Long squeaky sound, like a door opening on a rusty hinge.
"Helloooo there. Dooo come with me, down to my basement, and see some of my (pause) experiments. Clomp clomp clomp. Sounds of dripping water. A scream in the distance. Bubbling sounds.
"Just sit here, in this chair with the wires and electrodes, and relax, while I demonstrate how I do (pause) brain surgery. (Spooky voice) relax. This won't hurt a bit. . . now, tell me, what did you ring for?
The LONELY OLD ANSWERING PHONE
"Hello? Is that someone ringing me? Heh heh. I'm very grateful for this. You know, its been a loooong time since I've had the chance to tell someone to leave a message. Yes, a very long time. Three years and two months in fact. I think my owner has either forgotten about me, or gone on a world trip, or died. Its rather sad really. Here I sit, day after day, telling people to leave their messages, and my tape's been filled up several times, and still no-one comes. Oh well, you might as well say something. Go on, get it over with. Leave your message. I understand. . . you don't really want to talk to me. Treat me like a dumb machine. See if I care!"