Gasping for air, dirt filling my lungs.
Silent prayers as the burial had begun.
The sunlight disappeared from my panicking view.
I could now only hope for miraculous rescue.
What had I done to be buried alive?
Earth filling my chest; how would I survive?
I never even got to say goodbye.
My single worst fear was coming true;
I pictured my sullen face fading to blue.
As the water sprinkled over me, I was consumed.
He wasn't allowing me to be entombed;
He was planting a seed He intended to bloom.
Now, as I sprout, and continue to grow,
He forgives me for assuming what I did not know.
Submerged in the muddy water, I tried to take a breath.
In that very moment, I thought I had none left.
Clay washing over the desperation on my face,
Praying insistently for mercy and begging for grace.
The voice in my head yelled, "ASPHYXIATE."
Then the preacher's hand guided me to top of the lake.
I emerged grateful, relieved, and cradled in His embrace.
I thought I was drowning. Yes, I was convinced
Until the moment I finally put my trust in Him.
The enemy is cunning; I believed I'd never breathe,
Rather, the Spirit was at work washing me clean.
The strike of a match, and I'm engulfed in flames.
I feel burnt, black, charred, and maimed.
The sparks around me dance in the night,
Incandescence burning bright.
I don't think I could be whole once more;
At the very least, I'll remain a singed eyesore.
A whisper arises from above the fumes.
"You were never burning; I've got you."
I escaped the fire without the smell of smoke.
I inhaled so freely, no struggle or choke.
He said, "I didn't set you alight to scald
But to ignite the passion for which you've been called."
And finally I realize I was never buried alive,
Never drowning alone, never set on fire.
I fueled my own trepidation all this time,
But He had never - not once - left my side.
He was planting me, washing me, lighting my wick.
While He was holding me close, I was worried sick.
There is so much relief in letting go,
And trusting that He's the one in control.
I understand now that He loves and forgives.
How grateful am I to be called His.