Mark Almighty

I ran into Morgan Freeman,
A week ago today.
He was looking kind of ancient,
His hair was very gray.

I asked if he would do for me,
What he had done for Bruce.
He sharply looked me up and down,
Then told me to vamoose!

"Son, I'm not really God." He said.
"That's just a film, you see.
The Lord speaks through a burning bush!
He wouldn't speak through me!"

But he was only saying that,
For all the lookie-loo's!
If everyone knew who he was,
He'd overwhealm the news!

So I went home and went to bed.
Said "thank you" in a prayer!
And when I woke up the next day,
I felt God's power there!

"Today I'm gonna save the world!"
At least, that's what I thought!
I'd make all men loyal and true,
And every woman hot!

The men turned into yip yip dogs,
All searching for a lap.
The women became succubae!
And plagued each puppy's nap!

So I set out to fix this slip,
But only made it worse!
I made all people whimsical!
This too became a curse!

The world turned into a cartoon,
Mankind it's characters.
That's when I knew the might of God,
Is not for amateurs!

With baseball bats and rotten fruit,
The cartoons came for me!
Fred Flintstone led the angry mob
Like some deranged emcee!

They pelted me with moldy figs,
And spinach from a can!
I was hung from a traffic light
By Flash and Spider-Man!

When someone started hitting me!
It threw me for a loop!
I was used as a heavy bag,
By a crazed Betty Boop!

And before I was barbequed
By Superman's eye beams,
The Lord came down and rescued me,
In answer to my screams!

He made everything right again,
And then He set me straight.
No man can wield the might of God,
The side effects are great!

"You'd have to see infinity,
Know every consequence,
Humanity's not built that way!
They have no omniscience!"

"The kind of pride it takes to wish,
For such a lofty prize,
Is what it took for Lucifer
To be cast from my eyes!"

I put aside my dignity,
And begged with all my might!
"Oh PLEASE give me a second chance!
I'll try to do things right!

So God returned me to the hour
Before these seeds were sown.
When I spotted Morgan Freeman,
God said: "Leave him alone."

I smiled and waved as he passed by,
Then gave a knowing wink.
He sharply looked me up and down,
And didn't even blink!

But I just passed him right on by,
To relieve his concerns.
I'm going out to Forest Lawn,
To dig up old George Burns!

This poem was a finalist in the July 2022 poetry contest