When I think back at my whole life that I have spent on earth -
and when I think of all the wrong that I have done since birth -
for selfishly I'd done my will.
My life was all for me.
I wonder how God loves me still
and wants me to be free?
I failed my spouse, I failed my kids, I failed my screaming boss,
I failed my ever patient God - and also, too, the cross.
I wonder why He sent His Son,
I lied and lied and lied.
I selfishly had been just one -
one reason that He died.
But God is patient, more than I. He's waited many years -
for me to find that faithfulness, for me to come to tears.
I wonder why He loves me still.
I wonder why He cares.
I need that mustard seed to grow.
Does He not hear my prayers?
And pray, can I, a sinner's prayer? What right have I to pray?
What right have I to anything with life in disarray?
But grace is mine and that's because
mere works do not suffice.
I have no right, but Jesus does -
because He paid the price.
This poem was a finalist in the January 2018 poetry contest