This letter I wrote with one purpose in mind
To end what began as a child,
It upended my views of the good on this earth
And of love, which to me, seemed too wild.
So I numbed myself out to the trauma
Coped with loss only way I knew how,
Hid those crimson reminders of pain on each wrist
Isolated from the "here and now".
I continued a path through the darkness
Overflowing my soul with each fifth,
I soon realized the ways of this planet
Were too much and too heavy to lift.
As I drained yet another one empty
Like my existence had felt from day one,
I waited to fall in a slumber of clouds
And undo what this world had once done.
It wasn't the first time, nor would be the last
Only one way out I could see clear,
If I didn't exist, then there would be no more
Of such mind numbing, crippling fear.
As the cycle repeated, I reached a dead end
Toxic shame overwhelming my heart,
So with one final glance to what lay in the past
I asked God to gift me a new start.
Jesus died on the cross to forgive all our sins
Which means we must forgive ourselves too,
Acceptance and grace are the keys to let go
Of those things which strayed us from His truth.
You see God is the ultimate healer
If we can first learn to comprehend,
That His mercy will pave us a new road
One of which we can finally transcend.