Amazing Stories: Manure Pie

With great will-power, we drank. I coughed and nearly brought it all up, but when I saw that Ditto was having the same trouble I felt greatly heartened, and eye-balling him defiantly I forced the last drops down.

"We have a tie!" said Ralph. "Both contestants are still on their feet, so now, because there are only two contestants, Ditto may challenge!"

Ditto smiled.

He pulled something out of a bag and watched my reaction. It was sludgy and pale and sticky. It was a blob of cold tapioca!

I hated tapioca! To me it was like eating mouse-droppings, or eye-balls, or slimy little tadpoles, or frog's eggs. I loathed it. Mum had forced me to eat some years ago and it nearly made me throw up. I still remembered the feel of it on my tongue. Not tapioca, please, please, not that!

Ditto took a big spoon from his pocket and dropped a dollop of the white, jelly-like stuff in my hand. It sat there, wobbling slightly, like a pile of alien goo. It brought back so many memories.

But I ate it.

Ditto was just as sick-looking as me now. He hadn't expected to go this long. His thick little brain had always assumed that other boys were way inferior to him.

"Another tie!" said Ralph, far too loudly. "For round six," he said to me, "you may make the challenge!"

This was it. I had to beat Ditto in this round or I would lose the competition. My stomach was about to do a runner! I sorted through the remaining bags, trying to decide which one to use. Alan had written little labels on them. Salt-and-sugar soup? Boiled grass? Sand-and-milk-with-flour paste? Ox-tongue chopped up? Lard? Cold white fat off the ham? I decided to go for the worst one of the lot.

"Fly sandwiches!" I said.

"Fly sandwiches!" said Ralph. "Isn't that a bit over the top?"

"Not fair!" said Ditto. "That's too gross!"

"Are you chicken?" I asked.

"No," he said.

I carefully unwrapped the sandwich and broke it in two. Ditto took the smaller half and waited for me to start.

He watched as I took a big bite and started to chew. All the kids gasped at the revolting thing I was doing.

Hesitantly, Ditto brought the sandwich to his mouth. He saw the little black legs sticking out between the layers.

I took another bite and chewed slowly, even licked my lips as if it was delicious.

"You win!" said Ditto flinging the sandwich away. "I can't eat that!"

There was a big cheer as all the kids jumped around me, clapping and whistling. They slapped me on the back and held my hands up like I'd just won a boxing match.