Am I Anathema

The tattered ribbons of my conscious, lie in piles upon the floor;
Yet again I fall to the sin, that I swear I would no more.

I know it's there, behind my eyes, it runs within my veins;
I need an escape my King, bind me, and hold the reins.

Left to myself, I will flare explode and burn;
Myself is not what I want, for you I always yearn.

I hate this filth within me, yet continually I fall;
Will you always accept me? On my knees I crawl.

I want to run to you, embrace everything that you are;
But bound I am, my sin seems strong. Don't lead me from afar.

I want you close, I need You I want You near;
I need you to hold me, this sin is my greatest fear.

Hold me tightly, I can't help, but continually run from you;
Am I free, to choose again, or will I get what's due?

Is your love, open for all, or only a predestined select?
Which is true, which am I, lost or elect?

This poem was a finalist in the June 2016 poetry contest